Dear Santa,
My good friend(1), Bullshit (BS), asked me to write you a letter on his behalf. I told him I would but reserved the right to insert disclaimers.
He would like to invite you and all of your Elf fans(2), I mean friends, to join him for the 30th running of the Bullshit-Dribbles-RatsAss(3) Christmas Hash this Saturday, 12/16. I know what you’re thinking – Didn’t we run that last year? Ha Ha! I mean Ho Ho! Well, sort of. Bullshit says he lied last year and it was only 29½. But he assured me he turned over a new leaf and says he doesn’t lie anymore and has been a really good boy this year(4).
BS says to let you know the start and time is Crunch Fitness on Hugh Howell Road in Tucker at 8:00am(5). We will all get in some tough calisthenics and then go for a nice 3 mile jog through the neighborhood(6). BS said he would provide plenty of water and sodas and even some Egg Nog with a little fresh nutmeg for you and the Elves at various points on the route(7). BS says there’s nothing like getting a head(8) start on getting fit for the New Year! After that, BS said he will treat you to a delightful gourmet meal at a local café(9).
BS said it won’t cost you a thing, but if you and the Elves want to make a little donation of $10 each, he will march it on over to the Salvation Army bucket(10).
Make sure you and the Elves wear your favorite Christmas attire and hope to see you there this Saturday!
Your #1 Nice List Buddy,
Bullshit (by Breaststroke under duress)
Disclaimers:
1. “Good” and “Bullshit” are an oxymoron.
2. Can you believe Will Farrell is a movie star????
3. The role of Rat’s Ass is being played by Breaststroke. And yes, our dear Dribbles the Elder is planning to assist in some awesome Dribbles way. So join us to say hi and wish him well!
4. <cough><Bullshit><cough>
5. Atlanta Start Time 1:30pm in the parking lot of Crunch Fitness, 4420 Hugh Howell Road, Tucker https://maps.app.goo.gl/kBJAmsqzwM3GecnB6
6. Father Abraham maybe followed by a short trail. (A to A+)
7. THERE WILL BE BEER STOPS! And Reindeer Piss. We’ll get some fresh so it’s nice and warm.
8. HEAD! WHO SAID HEAD?
9. We’ll have pizza and BEER across the street at Enzo’s Pizza. They’ve been warned.
10. Yeah, the Salvation Army guards that bucket like Fort Knox when they see BS coming! But $10 will get you BEER, Reindeer Piss, BEER, Dribbles(!), BEER, Pizza and BEER. The first 30 people might get a little prize because we need to get rid of the rest of the prizes from last year.
HOn HOn!